If I Had Money To Burn …

I love Harrods. It’s my most favourite wanky department store in the entire world. It’s ridiculously expensive and I hardly ever buy anything there but I love to go and look. It’s like a museum of the coolest stuff in the world that you can buy for 20% more than any other major department store in the UK. 

My favourite part is the food hall. Today, like any normal person would, I spent 35 minutes in the chocolate section, walking around doing a mini stocktake of all the limited white chocolate (my favourite) and thinking what an outrage it is that it’s so discriminated against. As a reward to myself for doing absolutely zero exercise today I bought 4 truffles. For £6. 

Chocolate dipped fruit, yours for only £7.50 per 100g. How on earth to Tesco compete?

Next stop children’s wear. To the designer section. I usually get stuck at the Burberry corner because I find those little microwaved trench coats just so adorable, but my main purpose is to check out the price tags and wonder who the fuck would spend £450 on a size 3 coat?

Burberry kids beanie. Only £65. Why wouldn’t you?

While my chocolate was digesting I pondered my next destination – Kitchen appliances. I wanted to know what the most expensive fridge they sold was? I’ve wondered this before but the last time I was there I got stuck at their pet section and never made it that far (they sell live pets and in the 70’s they used to sell lions. I kid you not). They also have a lovely range of diamond collars and also pink bikini’s for small dogs.  

Alas I never got to the appliance floor because something else caught my eye. This…

“Rudolph, what month is it?”. Even the reindeers look bewildered

Christmas!! In SEPTEMBER! And they were playing christmas carols. 

I spent ages here, trying to find the most expensive Christmas thing I could. It took a while and there was quite a bit of steep competition, including the £199 tree angel and the £55 tinsel. But I found a winner .. ta da!

Christmas crackers. £599 for a pack of 8. 

There had better be precious rocks in those babies.

Ho ho ho!


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