Fight Club

“Mum, Charlie’s really annoying. We should give him to another family”

“Really, you don’t think that’s a bit harsh?”

“Well then we should sell him”.

Statements like this are a regular occurrence at Chez Marmalade. I wish I’d kept a journal of them all because now that I’m blogging, I’d have enough material to see me through the next couple of years.

I love having lots of kids. If you have a sense of humour and can see beyond the chaos that it is, it’s actually quite hilarious. Because I am in it all day, it’s just part of the norm – but my Mum is here at the moment and she spends a large chunk of her day in stitches at some of the outrageous things that spew forth from my babes’ mouths.

A couple of days ago I could hear screaming quite close by and before I could run to the basement and hide, Charlie found me and said “Mum, Luca kicked me and I don’t like him. He’s really annoying me”  to which I replied “Don’t worry, he’s going to be moving out in about twenty years”.

“Umm, okay”. And off he went.

And, pffft, just like that I was able to diffuse a potential whinge-fest for a situation where there’s just no solution to one of your kids’ latest gripes.

My kids aren’t always going to be small and I’m not always going to be able to reply with such mature responses. “Oh really, he’s annoying you? Well we’ll just send him to Spain then shall we?” 

I’m not really designed to be a mum of three boys. I have an extremely short fuse and lack any form of patience whatsoever. I’m a believer that Mother Nature is a bit of a prankster and that she was just having a laugh when she plonked three boys in-a-row in my womb (well alright it was actually Rob’s fault but for argument’s sake, lets roll with Mother Nature).

I’d say on average I hear the words ‘Mum, ____________ did ____________ to me’ at least forty hundred times a day. They didn’t mention any of this in any of the pre natal classes I went to so I am ill-equipped to deal with this in a sensible fashion. Today’s response?

“Come back to me when there’s blood. Because if there’s no blood .. I. Just. Don’t Care”

I know, I don’t understand where my Parent Of The Year Award is either.