Better late than never

Well it has been a while.

There is nothing sadder than an abandoned blog. If you’d told me a couple of years ago that I’d go nearly six months without posting anything I’d have been horrified, yet that’s exactly what I’ve done.

I tried to write. I have about two dozen half written posts in my drafts box. Some of them finished and waiting to be published. I just don’t know why I lost my way.

Actually that’s a lie. I know exactly what happened and why.

Someone who used to be in my life said some really hurtful things about my blog and my social media. They didn’t write it on any forum, or shout it to the world, they just decided to put it in a nice little Facebook message and tell me that my blog is a total embarrassment and my so is everything I put on social media.

Nice, huh? I should have just ignored it, right? Well it turns out when it comes out of the mouth of a person whose opinions you used to value it makes it hard to move forward. This person never elaborated on exactly what it was they found so embarrassing so every time I went to write something I lost my nerve and just couldn’t be myself.

There is no point in being a writer if you can’t be yourself. In fact it’s down right impossible, believe me I tried. So now I have a bunch of unpublished posts that are written from the perspective of someone frightened of what other people think.

So all these months later with this person well out of my life I’m having another crack at it. It’s a shame really because lots has happened in my life since then. Here, I’ll summarise it for you.

We bought a new house. Did some redecorating. Luca changed schools. I went to New York. I ran the New York Marathon. Made some really nice friends through Luca’s new school who it turns out are as insane as me. We bought a dog called Bacon. Audrey is still my favourite. Jude finally learnt to swim. December came and Jude was bitten by a spider on christmas day so we spent it at hospital. We had a two week holiday by the beach. I ran some more races. My 4 year anniversary of my u-turn on life passed. I spent a lot of time wondering how we ended up with four kids at four schools. I got another tattoo. Holly got braces. Ended up in hospital having gallstone attacks without a gallbladder. Found out they missed a stone. Had fifty billion blood tests because of this. Turns out I have hyperthyroidism and not a heart attack. My running suffered because of my thyroid. They gave me thyroid pills. I found the best running coach on the planet. My running is brilliant now. Holly started year 7. The one year anniversary of my darling friend who died passed. I posted something on Instagram regarding it. A poor excuse for a human she was unfortunate enough to be related to by marriage threatened to sue me over it. I didn’t get sued and I became even more passionate about her cause. I’ll never shut-up about it. I did Coastrek and walked 55km from Palm Beach to Balmoral only using marathon training. Turns out marathon training is nothing like walking. I won’t be doing Coastrek again. I learnt that thyroid medication is not good to take in the sun when you walk for 14 hours. I decided I really bloody hate walking. Rob and I love each other more than ever. I ate a tonne of dumplings throughout all this. I landed a place in this years New York Marathon. I had a great 43rd birthday and was reminded how many friends I have that are closer than family. Bacon had his nuts zapped and my boys talked about chopped off penises for a week. I learned it’s possible for young boys to talk about dogs having their nuts zapped for nearly a week and still find new things to discuss.

So there you have it.

I have missed writing. I have loved all the little messages I receive from strangers asking why I don’t write anymore. It warmed my heart and kept me going until I knew I wanted to come back.

So I promise I won’t leave it that long again and I will try not to let assholes get in the way of doing what I love.

Even if what I love is apparently totally embarrassing.