Are you a quitter?

I am forever quitting stuff.

On monday I gave up sugar. I will quite happily swap a few (dozen) spoons of Nutella for a proper meal because I have a dreadful sweet tooth. I developed it when I quit drinking about a year and a half ago and its been a problem since. Goodbye wine, hello chocolate.

So I decided it has to go. I’ve entered the ballot for the London Marathon next year and there is no way I can run that far if I don’t sort my diet out. Plus, I’m a bit hung up on health at the moment.

And because eradicating sugar from my diet wasn’t torturous enough, on thursday I went to see a holistic chiropractor for another perspective on my ongoing running injuries and she convinced me I should give up gluten too. Why not, if I can’t have Nutella I may as well be truly miserable.

However it wasn’t the only thing she wanted me to quit …..

My beloved diet coke.

I knew it was coming. As soon as she asked me if I ate any artificial sweeteners and I told her I drink more than five cans of it a day she very forcefully said “Stephanie, you absolutely must stop that. Straight away .. no cutting down, just cold turkey. TODAY. No more poison”.

So I did. I’ve tried and failed to give up diet coke for a while now, but after a day or so my inner dialogue always tells me it’s easier if you just cut back but I’m crap at cutting back so always go back to drinking it all day long. It’s all or nothing.

It’s so shit I can’t begin to tell you. Take the sugar, take the gluten, take it all .. but the diet coke hurts. It’s my last vice, the only poison I put in my body and I love it. Day two isn’t even over and I feel like its been weeks. Especially because I don’t drink booze, it’s my drink of choice and now it’s gone.

I feel bereft.

Because I obviously have a problem with moderation and excess, I continually pick up these terrible addictions to certain food things – eat them enough so they become a problem and then I have to quit them. So far it’s been biltong, m&m’s, white chocolate ice cream, white chocolate buttons, cornichon pickles, blueberries, Nutella, wotsits (like cheetos), diet coke  …. the list goes on. Most normal people can eat these things in moderation but anyone who reads my blog knows I am far from normal.

I’m the same with exercise. Sit bone idle for a few decades and then take up running and push myself to run a half marathon within a year – and because of that I have endless injuries so now I do loads of Power Plate and TRX as well. Upside is I’m fitter than I was in my twenties, teens even.

My obsessiveness is exhausting and although I’m well aware of it, I find it hard to control – hence why I don’t drink anymore. It’s really great for things I have to put my mind to, but it can obviously get out of hand too.

After four days sugar-free and on my second day of gluten and diet coke free, I woke up with what I can only describe as a dreadful hangover – without the alcohol. I felt like I’d actually died of sugar withdrawal and woken up in hell. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed, but I didn’t because I decided to punish myself further and go to the studio for a double session of Power Plate and TRX training. It’s almost like form of self punishment in a way.

So I’m tired of quitting stuff. Sick of it. This time around I’m not going to find a substitute for my diet coke. The only thing left I probably consume in excess is drink fizzy water and if anyone tries to tell me to quit that they can quite frankly bugger off.

What have you quit lately?