A sushi roll ruined my day

I eat a lot of sushi rolls because in my head I think they are diet food even though my trainer tells me I could eat chips and it wouldn’t be much different (he takes his carbs slightly more seriously than I do obviously).

Every time I go to my local shopping centre I buy one as the shop is at the entrance to the carpark and basically I’ve got no self control.

Anyway just in case there is something wrong with you and you don’t like sushi, when you buy a roll it comes wrapped in plastic with a little strip of sticky tape to seal it. When you want to eat it you peel off the sticky tape gently and re wrap your roll so that you don’t have to put all the festy germs you have on your hands from touching things in the shopping centre on it. Like escalator handles … I feel sick thinking about what must lurk on them but my therapist is working with me on this one.

Before I go on, the last two times what I’m about to tell you has happened to me I thought it was just me. That maybe I was de-rolling my roll too hastily and not spending the quality time a sushi roll deserves de-sticking the tape to ensure correct placement of the plastic so I could eat it without consuming said festy escalator germs. Like Ebola or The Plague or something.

Today I decided to be spontaneous and I bought my roll from the same chain of sushi shop that I usually buy it from, but in a different location. I thought I could outsmart the Sushi Gods. So I bought my roll and sat down to start the careful and important de-rolling process.

But alas I discovered the same problem. How could this be? What on earth was going on? Why hadn’t I read about this in the paper? WHY WASN’T IT ON THE NEWS? I had so many questions and nobody to help me solve them.

Put simply, the sticky tape that they use to seal the rolls has changed.

I know. How can this not have been on Q&A yet?

So no longer can you peel the sticky tape off easily to commence sushi plastic wrapping non germ consuming origami because they now use a clear form of gaffa tape designed to piss you off no end.

And do you know what happens when you try to undo a sushi roll tied together with gaffa tape?

THIS.

A big fat dead sushi roll. A tortured innocent roll, strangled to an inch of its life.

I’m quite sure that there is no disappointment quite like food disappointment. Not food disappointment like when you spend half an hour perusing the menu and then spending the next half an hour wishing you’d ordered what your friend did, but disappointment that your lunch that you were very much looking forward to very quickly went from well folded sushi roll sans ebola to a sushi roll that looks like it tried to hang itself.

So quite frankly I have no choice but to next time keep walking right past the sushi place and have donuts for lunch instead.